Sometimes I forget how powerful my words can be. I forget that a harsh word can prevent me from showing my husband the respect he deserves, or even worse, can drive division in our marriage.
I did that today and I’m really not proud of it. Rafa took his mom to the store to pick up some personal items she needed. Rafa and I are planning on going grocery shopping tomorrow night, so as they were leaving, I reminded him that they didn’t need to worry about getting food.
When they got back about an hour later, I heard a sound that caused a flame of anger to flare up in my heart. The rustle of plastic bags! He got groceries when I specifically reminded him not to! With my face set in a scowl, I marched into the kitchen to see what he had done.
“Look honey, I got you salsa!” Rafa said proudly.
I narrowed my eyes. “That’s not even the kind I like,” I retorted.
The dejection on his face said everything, but he cut into my cold, hard heart even more with his words. “I’m sorry, I was just trying to do something nice.” You see, we had plans to watch the World Cup this afternoon and he picked up a few snacks for us to have while we cheered on España.
Wow. With seven sarcastic words, I had the power to ruin the whole day we had planned. I love salsa SO MUCH. By him picking that out for me as a snack, it shows how much he really pays attention to my preferences. I usually buy this kind:
But he got this kind:
That’s right, folks – virtually no difference between the two salsas. I broke my husband’s heart over a label.
Rafa went downstairs to our room. I gave him a few minutes, then went to ask for his forgiveness. God has blessed me with a husband who gives me so much undeserved grace. He forgave me and didn’t hold it against me. Thanks to his ability to forgive and truly forget, we moved forward with our day and had fun at the fish store, making lunch and now, watching the World Cup.
The Bible warns us about the power of the tongue. James 3:8 says the tongue “…is evil, full of deadly poison.” Yikes. God didn’t mince any words with that warning.
So what should have come out of my mouth? Nothing would have been better than what did. I could have thanked my husband for thinking of me and appreciated the way he thought of me. I could have taken the advice of Ephesians 4:29, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
I want to build up my husband when he so sweetly thinks of me while he is at the store. I don’t want him to be so paralized with the fear of the criticism that comes with buying the wrong brand of salsa that he just gives up. I want my words to build.
