I’ve been mulling over an article I read recently on Focus on the Family called “Marriage in the Melting Pot.” The author shares that while all marriages require commitment and dedication to becoming everything God has for them, an inter-ethinc marriage has unique challenges and opportunities to glorify God in the process. I didn’t give that much thought as Rafa and I were falling in love and getting married, but now I see some merit to the ideas the author presents.

Language has been an area of difficulty lately. I love to listen to the soft, smooth way words come out of Rafa’s mouth when he is speaking in Spanish (“Te quiero” is so much more beautiful than “Love ya”), but sometimes I feel left out when he is engaged in an all Spanish conversation that I can’t participate in. I don’t like feeling helpless, waiting for him to translate the parts that might pertain to me or that he thinks I might be interested in. Worse yet, if I let my mind wander, I worry that he is saying something about me or our marriage (“Ugh – dinner was terrible tonight!”) that he hasn’t talked about to me directly.

Rafa learned English quickly when he came to the US almost 10 years ago and he knows it so well that when he talks to himself in his mind, that internal monologue is in English. However he is able to express himself differently in his native tongue. He can’t go “home” anymore, but he can speak the language of his childhood. He can’t get that familiarity anywhere else, and I certainly wouldn’t want to take that away from him.

I need to follow the articles tip of using G.R.A.C.E. (I love acronyms) even more so in our inter-ethnic marriage. The G stands for “Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt.” What that measure of grace, I can free myself from thinking that Rafa is talking about things I need to know. Rather than trying to interpret with my broken vocabulary, I can trust that Rafa has my best interests in mind and that he will talk to me (in English, of course) about the things that are important to us. Giving each other grace is just the first step in making our marriage strong – regardless of race, language, background or any other difference we have.