I was a bad mom today.

I was worn out and touched-out. I wanted to lose myself in Facebook or be able to complete a tasking while using both of my hands. I just wanted 10 minutes without a new demand to meet. I tried to hide in the bathroom and bribe my children to Just. Be. Quiet. Please.

Please.

I looked back on my performance as a mom at the end of the day. I didn’t give my emotional child enough reassurance. I didn’t give my active child enough patience. I didn’t give my needy child enough presence.

Not enough. Not enough. Never enough. It’s hard to sit down after the final good-night and think about all the things that could have gone better.

I tried to justify my actions. I thought to myself, “Self, is it too much to ask to have one glass of water without backwash from the toddler blowing bubbles into my straw?”

Yes. I was absolutely spent today, and if I’m honest, I have been running on empty all week. I am selfish and that selfishness has reared its ugly head.

Awesome graphic (and devotional!) from www.shereadstruth.com

The root of my bad mothering is sin. I have a sinful nature. When the baby poops through another outfit and the toddler can’t find the most important toy ever and the pre-schooler declares that she will absolutely fall over if she doesn’t get something to eat immediately, my response is usually frustration. Occasionally it is resentment. Sometimes it is even anger.

That response is wrong, and I know it. In the moment it happens, I hate it, because even if I don’t want to feel it, I do. That’s sin.

Lately, God has been opening my eyes to responding in the opposite way of anger or frustration – responding with joy.

After King David had some huge (like really, really, really huge) problems with sin, he confessed. He called out to God for help.

“Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you.” Psalm 51:12-13

David asked God to bring back his joy after he sinned. Earlier in the chapter he asked for mercy, and he writes with the expectation of receiving that. However, to truly bring about change in his life, he asks God for joy.

Having joy in the Lord is enough to sustain David. He needs help getting through the day and even having the desire (a willing spirit) to walk in the right ways. Joy is the help he needs.

More importantly, with joy, David says he can teach people the ways of the Lord, and they will understand in a life-changing way.

That is such a promise for me as a mom! Since my top priority is the discipleship of my children, hearing this makes me smile. The sinners WILL turn to the Lord. I am a sinner and my children are little sinners. But with joy – true joy from the Lord – God is magnified and lives are changed.

Joy changes things. Join me for praying for joy in my life and in my mothering.

Joy brings willingness.

Joy affirms truth.

Joy redeems lives.